When I Think About You
by musiksnob
Summary: Clare walks in on Eli. Awkwardness ensues. A sort of prequel to A Little Helpful Advice but it stands alone. ONESHOT.


**DISCLAMER: I don't own Degrassi or anything else.**

**Twitter: themusiksnob**

**So I have had massive writer's block after finishing I Thought I Saw Your Face Today and I've literally started about five different fics and not been able to make any of them work. (If anyone has any requests, feel free to PM me or DM me on Twitter. No promises, but I could use some ideas.)**

**This is my attempt to break the writer's block by tackling a lighthearted and somewhat familiar story. Plus we all need a little bit of happiness right now with all of the depressingness that is currently Eclare on Degrassi. And I've had a few persistent requests for this, so even though I know this has been done before I hope you don't mind my take on it. Nothing special, but it's happy and fun.**

**This is a prequel of sorts to A Little Helpful Advice, though I changed a detail or two from that story in order to make this a little more interesting.**

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I used to look forward to Sundays, singing with my mom in the church choir, eating a huge lunch with my parents, watching old movies on the couch while my parents cuddled and I finished up my homework. But the past few months had been full of icy conversations and I spent most Sundays hiding in my room. I thought having my parents live in different places would mean the fighting would stop, but it turned out it just made the little time we all spent together even more uncomfortable.

Every Sunday morning, whichever parent was staying at the condo would pick us up from the house to drive us all to church together – since my parents were too embarrassed to admit to the pastor and congregation that their marriage had fallen apart. They managed to keep it together while we were in public but as soon as we returned home and the parent who had been staying with me was supposed to leave, somehow they always managed to start up a fight.

"You know, Helen, you should have had your stuff ready to go before church."

My mother shot my father a look. "Well, excuse me for not being able to carry my entire life in a duffle bag. Besides, if I left right after church, who would make breakfast for Clare?"

I poked at my pancake, not really hungry anymore.

"You know I cook for her when you're not here."

"Giving her a 20 and telling her to go to the Dot isn't what I call cooking."

"You know, you're wasting my time that I'm supposed to be spending with Clare. This is my week and I'd appreciate not having to spend any extra time with you."

I picked up my plate, and dumped the uneaten pancakes in the garbage.

"What do you think you're doing?" my mom asked, her voice shrill.

"Fighting spoils my appetite," I said. I grabbed my jacket off the coat rack next to the door and slipped on a pair of flats.

"Clare, don't leave," she said softly. But I was already halfway out the door.

"I'll be at Eli's," I called, slamming the door behind me.

I thought about calling him and asking him to pick me up but I realized I left my cell phone upstairs in my purse and didn't want to undermine my dramatic exit by going back inside, particularly since I could still hear my parents fighting through the windows. The weather was unseasonably warm so I just decided to walk there.

It was only a twenty minute walk but by the time I arrived my feet hurt and I was a little sweaty from the walk and I wished I had changed out of my church dress before taking off. I didn't really relish sitting around all day like this and I blushed as I thought of asking Eli if I could borrow some of his clothes. I could just imagine the response he'd give me.

As I walked up the steps to his house the door opened and Cece exited the house, carrying an armload of reusable grocery bags. "Clare!" she said, with a huge smile. "I didn't know you were coming over."

I gave her a weary grin. "My parents are fighting again."

She gave my arm a quick squeeze. "Well, you're always welcome here. She nodded toward the house. "I think Eli's still asleep but feel free to wake him up. He shouldn't be sleeping past noon."

She took off and I walked up the stairs, trying to stay quiet. I felt bad about waking Eli up and figured if he were still asleep I could just borrow his laptop and take it down to the living room.

I knocked lightly on the door but he didn't respond, so I assumed he was asleep. I opened the door slowly and peered inside to see the last sight I would have ever expected to see.

Eli. Naked. With his hand wrapped around his penis and moving. Fast.

Holy crap. He was masturbating.

He must not have heard me enter because he kept stroking himself as I watched in shock, his eyes glued to the laptop that was on the bed next to him. He had headphones on and I was trying to decide whether to back out of the room and just pretend this never happened, when he looked up and saw me.

"Clare! Fuck!" He practically jumped off the bed and in doing so, ripped the headphone jack out of the laptop and a woman's orgasmic scream could be heard. He was so preoccupied with trying to close the website he was looking at that I got a clear view of his naked body and his penis before he covered himself up with his pillow.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," I said, feeling more embarrassed than I ever had before. I backed toward the door.

"Wait," he said. "Don't go."

My eyes widened. Did he expect me to…? I wasn't even sure what he was asking.

"We need to talk about this," he said, looking around his bed. He grabbed a pair of boxers from the end of his bed and gave me a look. "Could you give me a second?"

I whirled around so he could get dressed in private, covering my face even though I couldn't see anything.

"Okay," he said after a minute and I turned around. He was wearing a t-shirt and pajama pants but I couldn't help but picture him without his clothes on. I had never seen a guy naked before, not live in person, and Eli and I hadn't gotten anywhere near that far together.

Eli broke the silence. "We should talk about this."

"Can't we just pretend this never happened?"

Eli looked sad. "I don't want things to be awkward between us. I'm sorry you had to see that."

I felt bad that I was making him feel uncomfortable. "No, I'm sorry I walked in on you. I knocked but you didn't answer and I thought you were asleep."

Eli laughed. "Not even close. But I guess with the headphones I didn't hear you." He looked over at me and gave me an amused expression. "Clare, I'm not going to bite you. You can come sit down with me."

I moved over to the bed, but put a lot more distance between us than I usually would have.

"Cla-are," he sing-songed. "You know, I'm the one who got walked in on. If anyone should be embarrassed right now, it's me."

I appreciated Eli trying to make me feel more comfortable, but I just didn't. I couldn't get the image of him masturbating out of my mind. I was pretty sure I'd never stop thinking about it. I didn't know what I'd do in English class tomorrow because it wouldn't be easy to discuss The Grapes of Wrath when all I could think about was Eli naked.

When I didn't respond, and just kept looking down at his bedspread, unable to meet his eye, he reached over and grabbed my hand. "Is there anything you'd like to know? I'll answer anything you ask, no matter how embarrassing."

I had so many questions. But I couldn't ask. No matter how close we were, it was just too weird.

"Okay, if you're not going to ask, I'll just tell you," he said. "A couple times a week, once in Morty when I was really, really desperate, and if you need any website recommendations, I can give you some."

I looked at the expression on his face and cracked up. He grinned and I was glad that the awkward moment had mostly passed. He squeezed my hand. "There must be something you want to know."

Okay, if he could tell me that, I could ask him something. "Why do you…?"

He gave me a bewildered look. "Uh, because it feels really good. Why else?"

"I don't know," I said quietly, not meeting his eyes.

"Sometimes I get bored when you're not around. It's a fun way to pass the time," he joked.

The things I wanted to know were a lot more serious than that. I played with a loose thread on his bedspread. "Do you ever…think of me…when you…?" I asked softly, embarrassed that I even brought it up.

"You remember the time we cut class together? When we first became English partners?"

"Yeah," I said, confused.

"Every single time after that day I've thought of you."

My eyes widened as I met his gaze for the first time since I interrupted him. That was before we'd even started dating. "So you just like…imagine us doing stuff? Like what?"

He blushed. "Well before I knew about the purity ring, the fantasies were a little more…adventurous. The very first time I imagined making you scream in a very different way than your public embarrassment."

An image jumped to my mind and I knew my face was on fire, but part of me was starting to feel really bad. "So even your fantasies of me are tame and boring now?"

"Clare, no!" Eli said quickly. "I mean, trust me, I still dream about doing all sorts of amazing things with you. But sometimes I don't want a fantasy. I'd rather think about my incredibly sexy girlfriend and the things we've actually done together."

I gave him a look of disbelief. He moved closer to me on the bed and wrapped his arm around me from behind, bringing his mouth close to my ear. "Lately I've been thinking about the time we went to the park and you just started kissing me like you couldn't get enough of me and you let me slip my hand under your shirt and I touched your breasts for the very first time." His free hand came up and grazed my nipple through the thin material of my dress and I closed my eyes, trying not to let out a whimper.

"And then you dragged me to the back of Morty and you let me take your shirt off and I unhooked your bra and kissed every inch of your skin from your fingertips to your waist, licking you down your back and then sucking on your breasts while you were arching your back and grinding your hips into me so hard I thought you might come for me with half your clothes on."

I was breathing hard at that point and there wasn't anything more I wanted to do than to recreate that moment. He caught my chin before I could kiss him. "Are you turned on right now?" he asked, using his husky voice.

"Yes," I moaned and tried once again to kiss him but he held me back and caressed my cheek.

"See, that's why I don't always have to imagine us having sex or doing other things because the reality of kissing you and touching you is every bit as powerful as a fantasy."

I was kind of frustrated that he stopped me and his explanation didn't quite add up. "Then what's the porn for?" I asked accusingly.

He laughed. "Sometimes thinking of you gets me in the mood but I don't always have time to lay around and dream about you all day. The visual helps…umm…speed things up."

"Even though it's fake?"

He smirked. "Well if you ever want to film us fooling around so I have something real to watch, I'd be happy to participate."

"In your dreams, Eli." I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Are you done asking your questions? Because I've got one for you."

I cringed, knowing what he was about to ask.

"Do you think about me when you touch yourself?" he whispered.

"No!" I said, a little bit more abruptly than I meant to.

"No?" Eli looked a little hurt.

"It's not that I don't think about you. I just don't…do that."

"You don't have to hide it from me, Clare. I think we're past that point in our relationship."

"I'm not hiding. It's the truth." There was no need to tell him I had tried it once, that same day we went to the park, after I returned home sexually frustrated, but that it hadn't really worked and I gave up.

He gave me a look that let me know he didn't believe me, but thankfully he didn't push. "You know, for someone who really wants to wait until they're married for sex, it's a great way to relieve some tension. You keep holding all those sexy feelings inside and one day you're going to explode."

"Don't you want me to do that?" He raised an eyebrow. "I mean, don't you wish I'd change my mind and um…explode?"

"If you really and truly change your mind, I'm not going to turn you down, Clare. You have no idea how much I want to sleep with you. But if it happens, it happens. I'm not going to push you or guilt trip you or tell you that's what I want. If I didn't want to be with you, sex or no sex, I wouldn't be with you. It's not an issue for me."

Eli was so sweet to me, and I leaned closer to him, laying back in his arms. He leaned down to kiss my ear.

"You know," he said against my hair, his voice husky once again. "If you ever want me to…help you relieve some tension…I'd be glad to. All you have to do is say the word."

My eyes closed as his tongue grazed my earlobe. I felt a little brave after our conversation. "I don't know…after I interrupted you before, I bet you're full of tension." I moved my hips back into him and felt him against my backside.

His hand met my neck and he turned my face until I was looking into his eyes. "I hope you're not offering to leave so I can finish where I left off," he asked gently.

I took a deep breath and moved my hand onto his thigh. "I'm offering to help you finish."

The look of desire he was giving me made me want to offer to do something else even though I knew we shouldn't, so I just moved my hand until it rested on him through his thin pajama pants. "God, are you sure, Clare?" he squeaked.

Instead of answering, I just kissed him. I leaned him back so he was lying down and I climbed on top of him, rubbing my hip against him as our kisses deepened.

It was amazing how just a little while ago I felt so uncomfortable but just talking to Eli made me feel so much better. I felt really ready to take the next step with him, even though I had been so nervous before.

I tore his t-shirt over his head and tugged at the drawstring holding up his pajama pants. He lifted his hips as I tugged his pants and boxers off of him, and I got my first close up look at him as I knelt next to him. I took him into my hand awkwardly and tried to copy what I had seen him do before.

"Woah," he said, stilling my hand. "Start slowly."

I watched his face as I moved my hand over him, stroking him slowly. His skin was softer and smoother than I ever would have imagined, especially considering how hard he was. I blushed as I thought of all those times he had gone home frustrated after our intense makeouts and was glad I was finally able to do this for him.

"Is this okay?" I asked nervously.

"It's more than okay; it's amazing," he said. He grinned up at me. "There are only two things in the whole world that could make this better."

"Such as?" I had learned a lot from him today, so if he had suggestions, I was willing to try them.

He fingered the hem of my skirt. "Well, having something sexy to look at is always a bonus. I told you how much I like visual aids."

I blushed. "I'm wearing a dress." If I had a top and skirt on, I would have taken the shirt off with no hesitation, but Eli had never seen me that naked before. But he gave me a pleading look that was so hopeful that I decided to go for it. I removed my hand from him, stood up, and pulled my dress over my head. I left my bra and underwear on and resumed stroking him, picking up the pace ever so slightly as his eyes danced over my body and he caressed my naked side.

"You're so fucking beautiful."

My blush spread from my cheeks down to my now uncovered chest. "What was the other thing?" I asked, trying to distract him from looking at me.

He looked embarrassed. "I don't want to say."

"You brought it up," I reminded him.

"I'm gonna sound like the world's biggest asshole if I tell you."

"Eli."

He wouldn't meet my eye. "If you…and only if you want to, I don't want to force you or anything, you can tell me no if you want…"

"Eli," I said again, interrupting him and giving him a pointed look.

His face contorted into a look of pleasure as I gripped him a little bit more firmly. He reached for the hand that wasn't holding him and said softly, "It would just feel really good…if you used your mouth." My eyes widened in surprise. "But you don't have to…this feels amazing. Trust me, it's way better when you do it."

I looked down at my hand on him and scanned his completely naked body. Did I want to take it that far? I realized that if we took that step, there wasn't really anything standing between us and sex – and considering I wanted to wait, that seemed like a long time to spend without anything to look forward to.

But part of me was really curious. What would he taste like? Could I actually fit him in my mouth? And though I really didn't want to admit it, I knew Eli had shown me enough about love and sex that I wasn't sure I'd be able to wait for marriage as I had planned. My parents got married when they were 19 but I didn't want to do that, and waiting seven or more years to experience that seemed like an impossible task.

But this wasn't sex, at least not by my definition. So what was the harm in trying something new with the guy I loved?

Eli was watching my expressions change nervously. I knew he was more concerned with upsetting me than whether or not I would give him a blow job, and I made my decision. "I guess I could try it," I said softly.

"You don't have to…" he protested but when I moved my mouth over him he let out a sexy groan. "Clare, you are amazing."

I had no clue what I was doing so I listened to his moans for clues, trying to look into his eyes and see the look of pure pleasure on his face. I had been touching him for long enough that I figured he didn't have much longer to go. It was really awkward in a lot of ways but I was surprised at how much I enjoyed doing this to him.

I realized I was going to have to tell Alli about this so she could give me some tips and I giggled a little at the thought of her shocked reaction. Eli's eyes rolled back into his head at the feeling of vibration. I sucked a little harder, trying to lick him everywhere and put him a little bit farther into my mouth, when he let out a huge moan.

"Clare, stop," he said, and I pulled him out just in time. Eli leaned over for some tissues to clean off his stomach and looked at me.

"I can't believe you just did that."

I felt really pleased with myself as I curled up next to him and he put his arms around me.

His lips met my ear again which he knew was my weakness and his hand met my thigh. "So, I don't want to push you…but I'd really love it if you'd let me get you off."

I could feel my face turning red. After what I just did, I couldn't believe I was still feeling awkward. When I didn't respond he looked a little disappointed. "What are you so afraid of?"

I bit my lip. "Liking it too much." He gave me a look of disbelief. "Wanting to do more."

"Clare, we're not going to do anything that you don't want to do."

"But that's the problem. I _want_ to."

He rubbed his hand up and down my stomach. "I've wanted to from the first time I kissed you. But that doesn't mean it will happen. Even if you begged me to have sex with you right now, I'd say no."

"Really?"

"Really." He kissed my forehead and then lay back against the pillow.

"Well, that's because you already got some."

He laughed. "Please Clare, just the thought of you letting me put my fingers inside you makes me hard, even after what we did. But I'd say no because I know we're not ready for that. So stop worrying and let me touch you. Unless you reeeeally don't want me to."

"I want you to," I admitted. "Let's just take this slow."

Eli kissed me, his hands wrapping around my waist gently as if he were afraid to push. I kissed him back more intensely, wanting to reassure him that I was comfortable.

He went slow enough to get us both back in the mood, running his hands over my hips before unhooking my bra and taking my nipple into his mouth. I tangled my legs in his, trying to pull him closer to me. He kissed down my stomach, pausing to suck on the sensitive skin under my belly button.

His hands smoothed up my thighs and tugged on the waistband of my underwear. "Can I take these off?"

I nodded, unable to speak. He pulled them down my legs slowly, letting his fingers caress my skin. I cringed a little at the sight of my naked body. Eli climbed over me, holding himself up so he could look into my eyes. "You're the most beautiful girl in the world, Clare Edwards." I blushed and leaned my head up to kiss him. He let himself rest some of his weight on me and his penis slid against my stomach and I knew I needed to change this up or I was going to do something I'd regret.

"Eli, touch me," I breathed, and he shifted his weight off me and lay down next to me as his fingers made the journey from my breasts to between my legs.

"Ohhh," I moaned as he slipped a finger inside me. He let out a similar noise and I looked at him in surprise.

"You feel _so_ good," he said, continuing his slow strokes.

My brain felt foggy and I could only concentrate on the intense feeling of him touching me and I wished I hadn't turned him down when he asked about this before because it felt so amazing.

He moved so he was kneeling between my legs and I felt nervous once against when he dipped his head down and placed a kiss on my knee. His lips trailed up the inside of my thigh, spreading my legs even further and then his tongue met my clit while his fingers moved inside me.

"Fuck, Eli," I said, shocking even myself. He sat up a little and looked at me in amazement. "Don't stop!"

He grinned and continued his ministrations, moving his tongue over me in the most delicious way. His other hand reached up for my breast and covered my hand that was already there. I let him take over and gripped his sheet with one hand and his hair with the other. The noises that were coming out of my mouth increased and I hoped that Eli's parents weren't coming home any time soon because they definitely would have heard me.

Eli crooked his fingers and moved his tongue so fast that I exploded, feeling all that amazing tension he built release as I cried out his name, shaking while he struggled to continue licking me as I road out my orgasm.

"Oh my God," I said, completely out the breath. He kissed up my body and hovered over me again. His face was glistening and I felt so embarrassed but his eyes lit up.

"Best. Day. Ever," he said. I giggled and he leaned down and gave me a quick peck on the lips. I grabbed him by the back of his neck and deepened the kiss, surprised that even though I could taste myself on his lips and tongue, it didn't bother me at all.

His arms were shaking so he lay down next to me and I rested my head on his chest, rubbing my hand over his hip.

"I think you should walk in on me jerking off every day," Eli joked, and I smacked his arm. "Or maybe next time, I could walk in on you."

I rolled my eyes. "But why would I need to do that now that I have you to do it for me?"

He laughed. "That's true. I'm going to start calling you most mornings and sometimes after school or at bedtime to check if you're free to take care of me, too."

"You wish."

He leaned over and kissed me on my nose. "You know there's nowhere I'd rather be right now than right here, with you, naked in my bed."

I smiled. I hadn't thought we would get here anytime soon, but now that we had, I knew he was right. "Me neither," I said, giving him one more kiss and pressing myself firmly against him. His arm came around my waist and my hand found his chest as my head nestled his shoulder, and I knew this was exactly where I was supposed to be.


End file.
